The Real Midlife Transition—For Women and Men (And How to Get Through It)

This week on Thursday Tea with Sami, we’re exploring the hormonal changes of midlife—for both women and men—and the powerful ways these shifts affect our health, emotions, identity, and relationships.

My guest, Adrienne Irizarry, HWH, is an East Asian medicine practitioner specializing in hormonal balance and trauma-informed wellness. Together, we unpack how perimenopause, menopause, and andropause unfold in the body, why these years can feel so overwhelming, and how couples and families can navigate this transition with understanding and connection—not conflict.

Whether you’re moving through this stage yourself, loving someone who is, or simply curious about what lies ahead, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and practical support.

In this episode, we discuss:
 ✨ What hormonal changes look like in midlife for both men and women
✨ Overlooked early signs of perimenopause and andropause
✨ Why stress, sleep, and energy shifts feel so intense during this stage
✨ Natural, non-invasive approaches to restoring balance
✨ How midlife impacts mood, identity, partnership, and intimacy
✨ Why “meno-divorce” is rising—and how to prevent it
✨ How couples can grow stronger together during midlife transitions

This conversation is eye-opening, validating, hopeful—and truly for everyone.

Pour yourself a cup, settle in, and let’s dive deep together.

If you’d like to connect with Adrienne, explore her offerings, or learn more about her approach to midlife wellness, visit www.moonessence.life
 and follow her on Instagram and social platforms at @moonessenceme.

Transcript

Samia (00:06)
Welcome to Thursday Tea with Sami, your sip of wellness and mental health. I'm Samia Estrada and I'm so glad that you're here. This podcast is all about living a healthy, balanced life mentally, physically, and emotionally. Every other week we'll explore simple, practical ways to improve your well-being, we'll hear from experts, and we will learn together. Grab your cup of tea, take a deep breath, and let's dive in.

Samia (00:38)
Hi everyone and welcome back to Thursday Tea with Sami, your sip of wellness and mental health. In this episode, we're exploring what happens when midlife arrives for both men and women. From perimenopause and menopause to andropause, these transitions can shift not only our hormones, but also our relationships, our energy, and even our sense of self.

So joining me today is

an expert in East Asian medicine and holistic women's health. Adrienne helps clients navigate hormonal balance and life transitions

vibrational acupuncture,

medicine, trauma-informed care, and together we'll talk about how couples can better understand each other.

communicate, have compassion for each other, and navigate this phase with understanding and vitality. So thank you, Adrienne, for being here with us today. Welcome to the show. I'm so happy to have you here.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (01:42)
Thank you so much for that beautiful introduction. And it is really an honor to be here and talk about this topic that affects so many of us.

Samia (01:52)
Thanks.

You bring such a unique combination of East Asian medicine, vibrational acupuncture, and trauma-informed care to your work. Can you tell us a little bit about how your personal journey led you to specialize in women's health and hormonal balance?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (02:12)
Absolutely. It is pretty much been a lifelong journey. I started my cycle around 12 and within like two months of getting started. I had pretty much every symptom you could possibly imagine. It was a classic case of endometriosis like really early on. And that led me to birth control as an intervention because that is typically all that is offered in the allopathic

model.

And that led me to a heart attack at 25, which really opened my eyes. I was really one of the lucky ones that didn't have any other kinds of more permanent side effects from taking birth control long term. It is a class one carcinogen. So like, there are a lot of people who aren't as lucky as I was. But it was a huge eye opening moment for me like, wow, I really have to figure out why my cycle

is doing this, why my body is behaving this way. And after a rough postpartum recovery, like I said, my whole life led me in this direction. I found myself always asking questions that I couldn't find answers for in the Western allopathic model.

And so I went in search of another answer because I was the why child growing up. I totally gave my mom gray hair, poor woman, because I was like, well, why is this this way? Why? Why? Right? My mom was like, shh, you know, because she'd get to a point where like my whys were like overloading her and I.

Samia (03:44)
Right.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (03:49)
I witnessed this now as a parent, but during that timeframe, and I still am that way, I understood that there had to be a reason why something was happening to my body. So in that search, I found the magic and beauty and wisdom of East Asian medicine, five to 7,000 years old, depending on which tradition you're looking at. That's a lot of people, lot of bodies that they have looked at.

Samia (03:52)
Yes.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (04:18)
right? And every time I came up against a question that I couldn't find answers with my doctor or I felt gaslit by my doctor or doctors, I changed doctors several times trying to find somebody who could meet me in the space that I was in. And I really had a hard time finding that and

You know, there's a lot of reasons why that is but here we are today I decided that East Asian medicine really spoke to me and Always had the answers that I was looking for explained things in a way that felt very aligned to me and I started originally in Chinese nutritional therapy food as medicine

really looking at like how that can be supportive and transformative in the way that your body expresses itself. And then from there, I started adding tools to my toolkit, because I would like bump up against the edges of like what I had for tools. And I'm like, ⁓ this client really needs this thing. Maybe I need to bring this into what it is that I'm doing. So I had gone in pursuit of becoming an acupuncturist and realized that like I

Samia (05:24)
you.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (05:31)
have the heart to be sticking needles in people all day. It just felt very invasive to me. So that's where vibrational acupuncture or accutonics became the answer that I was looking for in that respect. It's the newest, I'm going to use that in air quotes, of the tools in my toolkit. I've been practicing accutonics for over five years now. And

Samia (05:33)
Okay.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (05:54)
it speaks to the body in a really beautiful way. Not only does the body not guard itself, because there's a lot, let's face it, a lot of us really don't like having needles stuck in our body. And even if they're the really, really fine ones, and there's a lot of people that don't pursue the beauty of acupuncture and how that can transform their health and wellness, because this needles thing is a huge mental barrier. Sometimes even when people make that leap because of, you know, maybe they've had an accident,

Samia (06:04)
Great.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (06:23)
and this has been something that's been recommended for pain, their body will guard against it and their muscles will tighten up and they don't end up getting the full breadth of the treatment. So with vibrational acupuncture, I get past all of that. Nobody is guarding themselves against needles. Our body recognizes frequency and sound literally at a cellular level. So it makes a very ease-filled... ⁓

Samia (06:52)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (06:53)
approach

to care. So my whole practice of Moon Essence is to offer non-invasive means of care for people because so much of what we know in the allopathic model is invasive. I mean, just think about how gynecological care is conducted.

Samia (07:10)
Yes.

Absolutely. And I know so many people, patients of mine, friends, family members, who just will not go get treatment because they don't want that invasive treatment and they just don't know any different.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (07:27)
it well and

that's it like and a lot of people suffer because they're like, I know, I know what I don't want. But I don't know what else is out there. And so I, you know, I am a cycle alchemist. And I've stepped into this space where I marry, like energetic psychology and the science and East Asian methodology into my own way of being able to support people wherever they're at in their journey.

Samia (07:33)
Right.

Yes, that's wonderful. And I'm so glad that we're talking about this topic and really educating the public on what else is out there because like I said, a lot of people just don't know. And speaking of that, a lot of our listeners might be new to Eastern approaches. So can you tell us a little bit about how East Asian medicine views these hormonal changes differently than Western medicine?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (08:25)
Yes, absolutely. So I love the fact that I don't have to send anyone for labs. Like labs have, right? Labs have their place. Don't get me wrong, but they are a snapshot in time. So like between the time you have the lab done, and then you go in and you see your doctor, your body has shifted because of stress in your life, because of how you're eating, because of exercise, you know, positive or negative, it doesn't matter. You have a snapshot in time,

Samia (08:31)
⁓ wonderful.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (08:54)
which can be incredibly valuable. But East Asian medicine, whether you're talking about Ayurveda or you're talking about traditional Chinese medicine ⁓ or any of the other disciplines that fall in it, herbal or otherwise, you're looking at what's in front of you that day. And so when people come into my office, well, and I can work virtually, I don't even have to have people come into my office and I can...

like through series of questions and looking at their tongue and things like that, I can have a really great idea of what is happening right now in this moment. And then I can show up for what it is that their body needs in this moment in a really effective way. East Asian medicine disciplines are all about balancing elements. So if you listen to any practitioner that works in this area,

it sounds like they're giving you a weather report, like what you would see outside the window because things are too damp, they're too dry. They are too hot, too cold. And we can all conceptualize that because we live in a relationship with nature. We see the seasons change outside the window. We experience changes throughout the year.

We have seasons in our life, we have seasons in nature, like this is all stuff that people like lands with people. So it's like, ⁓ okay, well, this really makes sense. So I will use when I work with my clients, I will use the you you have you can deficiency with, with deficient heat, and then I'll explain what that is. It means you don't have quite enough moisture in your body, and you're getting this

Samia (10:19)
Right.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (10:39)
expression of heat, which dovetails beautifully with our midlife conversation. And it's kind of like when the indicator light comes on in the car and it's telling you, hey, I need more radiator coolant.

Samia (10:44)
Yes.

Yes. ⁓

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (10:52)
So these are all things that people

can go, I get it. And then they feel like they're not, and I hate to use the word victim, but there's a lot of people that feel like their body betrays them and like they're a quote unquote victim to the symptoms that they're experiencing because they control their life. Rather than, you know, with this approach, I feel like this empowers people to be like,

Samia (10:56)
Right.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (11:18)
I now understand what's happening in my body in a way that Dr. Google couldn't provide to me. And now I have proactive steps that I can take to make meaningful change in my life. And it completely shifts the frame.

Samia (11:23)
Yes.

Yes, it makes such a difference when you understand what's happening in your body. Sometimes you go get labs and you get the results, but you still have no idea what's going on, right? Labs are, like you said, a great snapshot of what's happening in that moment. And it's great information for our doctors. But half the time we don't know what to do with that information. So I love the way that you educate your patients and you help them to understand what their body is telling them so that

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (11:36)
Absolutely.

Samia (12:00)
They know what to do for it. Yeah, I love that. And since we're talking about midlife and hormones and all that, let's start by talking about women's experiences during midlife specifically. What are some of the earliest signs of perimenopause that women often overlook in your opinion? Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (12:19)
that's such a great question. I wish more people asked that question.

Because you can start seeing things around 35. So Chinese medicine understands that women's bodies move in seven year cycles, men's bodies move in eight year cycles. So it's this whole Mars and Venus thing, right? Like we're always like just a little bit off from one another in terms of where our energy is at. But polar opposites is, you know, what creates

It's duality and balance, right? So women can start seeing changes right around 35. Now, when I mentioned this 35, 42, 49, this could be a couple of years on either side, okay? Because some of it depends also on lifestyle and how you're moving through the world. So if you're a go-hard or go-home, burn the candle at both ends, you could start seeing some of this at 33. If you are more intentional with how you're spending your energy, your time, that kind of thing,

might not notice it. Like for me, I didn't notice it until I was closer to 38. But what starts to happen is you have a chi change. Chi is your vital life force.

we all know what it's like to be too tired to talk or too tired to move. That is when your vital energy is on the lower end of the tank. Okay. So your vital energy is like what governs your zest for life and your vitality and your ability to like do and get things done. So that begins to shift around 35. So you may notice things like your body is inviting you to consider how you're spending your

Samia (13:48)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (13:57)
time. The thing for me that really stood out was I used to be the kind of person that would work five days during the week with clients, then I could on the weekend, either a Saturday or Sunday, I could do an event meaning be a vendor talk to people all day. And I might want to also mention I'm an introvert. So that takes a lot of energy for me. I would talk all day, and then I could go into work the next day and work the whole week.

Samia (14:19)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (14:27)
and not think anything of it. All of a sudden, right around like late 37, early 38, I remember I did an event on Sunday and I woke up Monday morning and went, where did the bus go? I think it ran me over. Wow, I've never had this happen before. And so like the next time I had a similar kind of experience, like maybe I was giving a presentation or I was doing a sound bath or something on the weekend.

Samia (14:27)
Okay.

See ya!

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (14:57)
I started realizing, there's a pattern. Uh-oh, there's a pattern. I need to be a little more intentional about how I spend my energy. So that typically is what people start seeing around 35 is their capacity for the go, go, go begins to shift. It's like all of those memes and reels and things about like in your 30s.

Samia (15:01)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (15:23)
you're not out like in our 20s, we're like, partying until like 2am and then we go and we go into work for eight o'clock the next morning. And then you want to turn in at 10 o'clock, like that's a 30s thing. And it's and it's that way on purpose. So that's often the sign that we miss the most often. Because that's when it comes to bite us in our 40s.

Samia (15:34)
Yes. Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (15:49)
If we start listening to that nudge and that invitation to ooh, I overextended myself a little bit, I need to create some rest. And for me, it looked like if I'm doing an event on a Sunday, I'm going to take Monday off or I'm going to give myself the morning and I'm only going to see clients in the afternoon to just honor the fact that I needed a little bit more recovery time.

Samia (16:14)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (16:15)
That was so helpful. Learning how to work with the gifts in the phases of my cycle also helped me to conserve energy. So if we go screaming past all of those benchmarks and at 35, usually 40 is where somebody reaches out to me and goes, um, my cycle was totally normal. And now like it's all over the place. Send help.

Samia (16:39)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (16:41)
And it could be length,

it could be all of a sudden it gets really cloudy, could be all of a sudden it gets really heavy, it could be a combo of all of those things. It could be that PMS was never an issue and now all of a sudden it is and it's starting to become disruptive in life and relationships. It could be starting to see mid cycle symptoms like at ovulation, you're supposed to be at the peak of your energy of the entire month.

it's like full moon energy. Okay, so when we miss that, and we're seeing more flatness, and it's described to me this way, I felt like I was going to have my period, but it was only like a week or two after I finished my period. And I had like three or four days that I kept checking and waiting for the blood. But then it never came and I felt better. And two weeks later, my period came.

So it means that there wasn't enough energy. Ovulation is a chi event. You need to have enough vital energy to kick the egg out of the follicle. So if your body's working super hard to do that, then you don't have enough overall energy on board. So there's lots of ways that you can start becoming symptomatic in your early 40s if you miss the invitations, the subtle

Samia (17:45)
I see.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (18:01)
whispers and nudges that you get like in your 35 to 39. Right around 40, then people go Dear God, what happened? 42, however, is the next really big benchmark in this seven year transition journey. So 42 is where your yin begins to decline. What that means is that you start becoming drier.

Samia (18:07)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (18:26)
because the whole point is that you're headed towards non-bleeding years. But that isn't like a switch that's flipped. It's a communication process that takes place between your hypothalamus, pituitary and ovaries. And they need to be effectively communicating with each other that there is this gradual transition happening towards your non-bleeding years.

Just like when we came into having a period, you watch the little girls' faces look like little young ladies, and then all of a sudden they start to bud, and then they have hair, and then it's a journey over seven to 14, roughly. Well, we're doing the same thing except in the opposite direction. So it takes many years in order to get there. So 42 is really where this physical transition kicks off.

Samia (19:03)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Got it.

I see.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (19:19)
we start noticing, ⁓ my face wash doesn't work like it did before. I need something with a little more hutzpa But, ⁓ and you notice things like, wow, I have to carry a water bottle with me everywhere. Like that wasn't a thing before, you know, where's my water bottle has started becoming my favorite question to ask because I leave it places. Cause I'm not used to needing it as much as I have.

Samia (19:37)
Great.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (19:46)
needed it now. So again, these are little subtle things, you may or may not see cycle related stuff right around this timeframe. But between 42 and 49, this is where the majority of the physical changes take place. So you start seeing cycle changes, you start seeing sleep disruption, well, that one could actually be as early as your late 30s too, because it depends on how stressed out you are.

cortisol will affect your sleep in the middle of the night. So like when people start waking up between one and three in the morning, this can be another like subtle nudge like, oh, hey, something is shifting here. Seeing a little bit more of the fluff around the midsection that you know, man, all my workouts at the gym used to take care of this and now they don't. All of this is hormonally linked. So

49 is really where we should start seeing the actual transition happen. So 42 to 49 is part of the journey. And then 49 to 55 is roughly where the period begins to peter out and then completely stop. So 51 is the average age in the United States for bleeding years to cease.

But the longer you hold your blood, the better it is for your bones, actually.

Samia (21:09)
okay. that's interesting. I didn't know that. I know that many women describe feeling like a stranger in their own body during this time. From your perspective, what's actually happening hormonally, energetically, you know, what's going on?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (21:18)
Yes.

So our bodies, when we're in our bleeding years, we have a lot of estrogen receptors in our brain. And as the veil of estrogen lowers, several things happen all at the same time. One, you're literally rewiring your neural network.

which is unsettling because you feel different and your emotional responses change. However, it's really beautiful and liberating because while the rest of the world might be a little shocked and odd by the way that you're coming across, estrogen is a softening hormone. a lot of times, not only does it soften our face, but it softens our emotional responses to things.

as we go through this transition, things that we used to be able to sweep under the rug.

for the good of the people, I'm not going to make a scene about this right now. Like how many of us, right? Are we raising our hands? Like we've all done this for the good of the people and we're socialized to be seen and not heard and to not take up space and to not be aggressive and all of these things. So when we hit perimenopause, the softening hormone starts becoming less prominent in your system.

And you find yourself, especially if you haven't addressed some of the things that you've been sweeping under the carpet, you get more edgy and explosive, because your ability to filter goes away. And all of a sudden, what you're thinking that you've been able to just have those thoughts and move on and not start the conversation with somebody that you can't do that anymore, you have to address it. So things that

are irritating become exponentially more irritating things that have been bothering you the whole time. Maybe your partner doesn't even know it's been bothering you because you haven't said anything. And your ability to filter through that completely changes. And so a lot of times where we start seeing people, like there's tons of reels out there about like Menno rage. Well, we don't actually have to be ragey. ⁓

Samia (23:22)
Yeah.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (23:39)
lot

of the times the rage comes from the fact that your hormones are shifting and something's been bothering you for a really long period of time. And the lid blows off because you do not have the same kinds of hormonal reactions happening in your brain that allows you to keep a lid on it.

The beautiful part of that though is if you're allowing that free expression, you decrease your physical symptoms that you start experiencing. The more you try to keep it in, the worse your hot flashes are gonna be. The more you try to keep it in, the worse your anger and rage are going to be. Because all of these have to do with the coolant level changing.

Samia (24:27)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (24:27)
and

being able to maintain balance in your system. Emotions are energy in motion. They have to go somewhere. And so if we don't allow them to move and maybe you're not yelling at your partner, maybe you go into your room and close the door and you punch a pillow and you put the pillow to your face and you friggin scream into it until you can feel that wave of energy move through you.

Samia (24:37)
Okay. ⁓

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (24:54)
And then you can go and have the conversation, you know, where menopause and perimenopause and for clarity, peri is the journey that we're all talking about. Menopause is actually only one day. It's wild to think about that, but menopause is the one day you have been 365 days without a period.

Samia (25:07)
Okay, yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (25:15)
The next morning you wake up you are postmenopausal.

Samia (25:18)
I didn't know that either. You know, yeah, yeah. It's interesting that you were talking about estrogen and how that softening agent changes for us, right? And I've heard a lot of people talk about during perimenopause that even when they have stopped bleeding, that during the cycle, the actual time when their cycle would normally be happening, right?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (25:19)
Yeah, a lot of people don't.

Samia (25:44)
they still feel a little bit more irritable, a little bit more impulsive to the point that some of the people that I've talked to have said, I want to get a divorce at that moment. You know, I just feel like I'm so angry. I'm so frustrated. Everything my partner does is just annoying me. And but then that week will pass or maybe that two weeks will pass and then they'll love their spouse again. You know, it's

but it's like this peak in that certain part of the month where it feels like everything is bothering you. Does that make sense to you?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (26:19)
It absolutely does. And it has to do with, so we have a lot of ups and downs when we're in our cycling years, where estrogen is highest at the beginning of the month, we get a little burst of testosterone in the middle. I mean, all three of these are always singing in the background, but whichever one is the most dominant, right? So then progesterone is singing the loudest in the latter half of, or the luteal phase of the cycle. So as this,

Samia (26:39)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (26:47)
symphony starts to level out, which is what it's doing. Instead of having the really big peaks and valleys, it's starting to level itself out. There's still a conversation that's happening between these hormones, but it's not as extreme. However, women are connected to lunar cycles, whether we like it or not. And so sometimes I see those peaks that you're describing in somebody who is either in or almost out of their non-bleeding

years like in the latter half of like maybe they're going for three or four months at a time with no bleed and then they'll have one but it's real light that

ovulation cadence is starting to spread itself out and they're still being influenced by the pull of the moon. So that can be part of it. I mean, just ask anyone who works in an emergency room on the full moon, they often describe it as being a far more vibrant place. ⁓ And so like we're all affected by that. But the other piece that affects that too is stagnation. So if

Samia (27:43)
you

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (27:55)
circulation isn't moving effectively. That can make people feel more edgy and irritable and things like that during that phase, whether they're bleeding or not.

Samia (28:07)
Okay.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (28:07)
So yeah, that's

not uncommon. like my mother hasn't had a period and ⁓ my gosh, many, many moons now. And she still has a week where she can feel that her energy like kind of fades a little bit. She's like, this must have been what would have been my period week. She said, because I feel like I just kind of have to do things at a different cadence this week. And with some of the things that I do to support

Samia (28:23)
Yeah.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (28:36)
bodies, like if all of those tools are being used, people don't notice that dip quite as much. But, we're moving from being, you know, I was talking about those bigger cycles where, you know, estrogen plays a bigger role and then progesterone plays a bigger role. We're moving towards having a more even hormone cadence like men have as we move through this transition. And then once we are post menopausal, our

brain chemistry, our body chemistry functions a lot more like a male's does. Men get a steady burst of testosterone over the course of 24 hours. They go to bed feeling one way they wake up feeling the same way. Anyone who is in their bleeding years knows that every morning you wake up, you're not quite sure how you're going to feel that day unless you're really plugged into your cycle. And you're working in a

alignment with your cycle, then you can at least predict roughly like, you know, I'm coming into my luteal phase, the first four or five days, I need to get XYZ projects done, because then I know my hormones are going to make me feel a little more tired. So you can really maximize your performance when you know how your cycle is working. But the beauty of being postmenopausal is that you don't have that up and down unpredictability to the same

extremes that you have during your bleeding years.

Samia (30:04)
that makes a lot of sense. And something you said made me think about how a person who has had maybe like a hysterectomy might be affected. Does that make a difference in how somebody feels or how menopause affects them?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (30:20)
Yes, absolutely. So it depends on what kind of hysterectomy they've had. Sometimes if you've had like a complete hysterectomy and they've removed your ovaries and your uterus both, you're going to need to go on to like bioidentical hormones ideally, because you don't have your ovaries participating in the hormone conversation. I've seen people who have had their tubes removed as a means of

of sterilization that see changes in the way that their hormones express themselves. So like the uterus itself, the fallopian tubes, the ovaries, they all do play a role in this conversation. And people tend to be slightly more symptomatic without being in perimenopause or in their perimenopausal years when they've had a surgery that has altered

essentially the internal structure, whether they've had a partial hysterectomy, or they've just removed their tubes as a means of not getting pregnant or people who have

had any sort of sterilization procedure like a tubal ligation, severing that connection does affect the way that hormones show up, but it doesn't mean that it has to create permanent symptoms in your life. That's something that someone like me can help with.

Samia (31:45)
So what are some of your favorite or maybe your most used holistic non-invasive methods for easing symptoms like maybe hot flashes or mood changes or sleep issues?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (31:59)
Hmm, that's a good one. All right, so there's so many things. ⁓ A lot of it has to do with stress and the pace of life. And unfortunately, nature has decided that it's cool to put teenagers in the same house as somebody that is going through these changes. So you're both going through hormone changes at the same time, which is amazing. Can you tell this is part of my lived experience? So

Samia (32:04)
Okay.

Yes.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (32:24)
So stress management becomes really, important. So carving out time for yourself.

putting your own oxygen mask on first is absolutely imperative for survival. Because a lot of people who are in this part of their life are finding themselves caring for aging parents, dealing with teenagers, you have a mortgage, probably like more of a managerial level job, so more responsibility and a partridge in a pear tree all at the same time. And so unlike when you were a teenager,

and you get a pass for being a jerk.

Samia (33:04)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (33:04)
And if there's door slamming and anger and eye rolling and people are like, well, I'm not impressed with his behavior. However, they're a teenager, right? Like we often give teenagers a pass for being a turd, but you don't get a pass when you are in perimenopause, you're expected to know better, right? But it doesn't mean and actually because of the additional life stressors on top of it, like I joke, but I do it because like so many of us can relate to the fact that

Samia (33:14)
Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (33:34)
You've got pressure at work. You've got pressure at home You've got you know pressure in all of these places and now let's throw a hormone transition in on top of it. Yay so there are millions of us that are hitting and because I'm in this this category too, like I'm in my 40s and

Samia (33:44)
Ugh.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (33:53)
we're all hitting this stage millions of us are hitting the stage all the same time going dear God stop the bus I want to get off because your hormones are changing and you have all of these life stressors that are making that transition less smooth

Samia (34:09)
Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (34:10)
So small ways to punctuate your day is probably the number one thing that I talk to people about because if you women's bodies are sensitive to stress no matter what.

Now let's add something that is creating a stress on the system on top of all of that. So little things like being over scheduled, your body used to have the resilience to deal with it. Now it feels overwhelming and like you're drowning.

Samia (34:38)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (34:38)
and

you can't get your head above water. It can feel like absolute brain fog and complete exhaustion. What day is it? I can't find my words. I know I could words and stuff yesterday, but why can't I do it today? You know, so all of these things, number one, I just want to let you all know it's completely normal. And stress is one of the biggest influencing factors on how deep those symptoms go.

So little things like opening your curtains in the morning, getting natural light in your eyeballs, do not touch your phone until you've given yourself some natural daylight time. If you can go outside and be outside in the early morning light, that's even more ideal. That helps trigger certain hormone reactions in your body. Going out for a midday walk.

Samia (35:21)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (35:27)
It might be 10 or 15 minutes, but don't do it like you're walking to the post office because you have to drop something off.

take time. Look at the clouds if anybody watches my Instagram feed, you'll see all kinds of random pictures of like foliage and clouds and stuff like that. And it's because it's for me forcing me to slow down and smell the roses. Now I'm the weirdo that will climb into flower beds to take pictures of like perfect flowers because I'm noticing them now but how

Samia (35:52)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (36:01)
many of us just walk because our brain is like point A to point B, we need to do this thing, I only have 20 minutes and I need to get back to the office before this thing. Like this is how our brains are running all the time. And when you hit perimenopause, you just cannot hold it that way. So slower walking tells your primal brain you are not being chased by a tiger.

Samia (36:01)
Yes.

Yeah.

I

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (36:25)
So it gets you into the parasympathetic and out of the sympathetic. So the sympathetic is what saves us from the tiger. The parasympathetic is your rest and digest. So it's where you can integrate information and you slow essentially that revving feeling in your system. I see so many clients that have massive problems with anxiety during this timeframe. And it's because their nervous systems are stuck in the on position. And they think like their nervous system thinks

It's being chased by a tiger all of the time and you have to get out of that being chased feeling

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (37:02)
if you work like in a big corporate office for example make sure that you're maybe setting a timer on your phone or on your computer and get up and walk across the room go to the bathroom walk across the room and go to the water fountain not the one closest to you

so that you can take a few moments to take some cleansing breaths, center your thoughts, it changes the pace of your day. Punctuated moments where you can give yourself pause helps to break up that staying stuck in that fight or flight or sympathetic response. So the more breaks you can give yourself, nervous system wise, throughout the day, it might not feel like a lot, but it adds up.

over the course of the day. If you can walk for a few minutes when you get home, if you can stand on a vibration plate, if you can do something that helps to move your system every single day, we sit far too much and all of the sitting adds up particularly when you're in perimenopause. So when people are joking about

frozen shoulder, my hips are stiff, like I feel like I have been run over by a bus because everything hurts. A lot of it happens because we need to be able to create more intentional movement. But that doesn't have to be, you know, go hard at the gym for an hour. Actually, I would prefer that it's not.

Samia (38:27)
Okay, What about nutrition? Does that fit into this scheme as well?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (38:33)
Yes, nutrition is very, very important. We have higher protein needs than we realize we do. And this is particularly challenging for people who are plant based. You know, there's nothing wrong with a plant based diet. But there are certain amino acid chains that you can't get anywhere except animal products. So even if it's just taking your vegan soup and putting a bone broth base to it, that can be

incredibly helpful, particularly during this transition. Bone broth is kind of magic all in of itself because it has those amino acid chains, it has the building blocks that you need for strong bones, which starts becoming more of a an area of scanning and concern as you get older. Weight bearing activity is important to be able to also help the strength of those bones.

Samia (39:27)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (39:28)
dark leafy greens help with the estrogen aspect of things and helps to nourish our yin or that coolant that helps keep us from overheating. Taking care of our liver becomes really important. you know, tea like dandelion leaf tea can be really helpful for liver health, but also getting that dark green aspect into your diet.

Samia (39:43)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (39:56)
So yeah, there are a lot of things that can be done just from a dietary perspective to support this transition.

Samia (40:02)
Okay, so we're talking stress, we're talking nutrition, we're talking movement, and those are things that we all have control over.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (40:10)
Absolutely. There's a lot that we can do to support ourselves through perimenopause that really don't cost a lot. And I spend a lot of time with my clients like trying to find like how can we fit the kind of self care that you need into your lifestyle so that it doesn't feel like

Samia (40:13)
Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (40:30)
great, I thought I was doing all the things and now nothing seems to be working and I don't even know where to start because that's where a lot of us feel like when we start not feeling super great in our body overall. And none of the things that we've ever done still work. And it's because they're not going to you're literally beginning the brand new book of the next part of your life.

Samia (40:32)
Yes.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (40:54)
Menopause is the third golden opportunity to hit a reset button on your health. So when you do perimenopause right, you set yourself up for vibrant older years of your life.

Samia (40:54)
this.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, that makes sense. Okay, we've talked a lot about women and I want to switch it up a little bit and I want to talk a little bit about men because that's something that we don't often hear about, you know. This term andropause is something that, is not talked about as much we hear menopause and perimenopause all the time, but poor men, they get left out of the mix. Tell me a little bit about that.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (41:32)
Absolutely. So and I think this is really important too, because like, yes, I'm assuming heteronormative relationships. So for anybody that doesn't exist in one of those, this information is still super helpful when dealing with anybody of the opposite gender in your daily life. And so

we're looking at a more gradual transition for men. So this is why perimenopause is getting so much like buzz right now, is like there's millions of us hitting it going, holy shit, I wanna get off the bus. Like, what is this? Right? And for men, it just happened more gradually. So right around 40, so remember I said men move in eight year cycles, right around 40 men start seeing a little bit of a change.

Samia (42:01)
Kids.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (42:21)
their changes are softer. But this is where I feel like the Hims commercials that are out there right now are kind of capitalizing on the early stages of andropause, changes in hair, changes in erectile function, whether it's premature ejaculation, softer erections, maybe it's not that they truly have ED where erectile dysfunction is presenting like, I just can't

Samia (42:23)
Okay.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (42:50)
cannot get an erection, but it may look more like I'm really quick out of the gate, and then I have a hard time to recover or the mental load of life is starting to physically affect me a lot more. So for example, in the younger years, you could have crashes and banging and like hearing that your roommate is home or whatever and you could still be

absolutely immersed in being intimate with a partner and none of that even enters your awareness. And then after 40,

Samia (43:27)
Right.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (43:28)
What was that sound? And then you

lose the erection, right? Like, so that's normal. Okay, that's normal and common. And a lot of men don't want to talk about that aspect because they feel like there's something wrong with them. And the more they feel that way, the more they have the physical symptoms. There is absolutely nothing wrong. This is a normal part of the early stages of your andropausal transition.

Samia (43:34)
Okay.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (43:52)
So they also experienced chi changes so closer to 48. If you haven't started seeing the energetic transition and usually they see it more in the erectile part of their experience around 40. By the time you're getting closer to 48, this is where a lot I hear a lot of men go all the parts went bad at once. Like if they haven't had any issues with cholesterol, blood pressure,

Samia (44:06)
Mm-hmm.

⁓

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (44:19)
anything like that, they go to their doctor and their doctor's like, ⁓ your blood sugar is like borderline diabetic. And they're like, I haven't done anything different. Like, what are you talking about? So changes that way, feeling like they need a little bit more of a balance between the go go go and rest, all of those things are totally normal. But they just don't have them to the same extremes that women do, because they don't have the same extremes in their hormone presentation. Like I said, they get that steady burst

Samia (44:24)
Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (44:48)
of testosterone across the board, but testosterone does start to shift. women, when they're going through perimenopause, they start thinking about things like, I don't like what I'm doing for a job and I want to change careers. I want to travel. I want to, you know, I had a baby in college. I want to go back and finish the degree I didn't finish that they're thinking about pouring their life force, their chi.

Samia (44:54)
see.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (45:15)
into their life, because they're no longer pouring it into the giving of life. Okay, that is the energetic transition that's happening for women. For men, all of a sudden, they start realizing they're mortal. And this is where the the stereotypical midlife crisis in the 50s comes with the sports cars and the trading women in for a younger model.

Samia (45:21)
Yes.

⁓

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (45:41)
because all of a sudden

like and I'm making jokes about this because he's again, I'm working in the stereotypes that people think, right? But it's happening because all of a sudden he has come face to face with the fact that this is as good as it's going to get holy crap. And so he feels like he needs to go hard or go home because this is as vital as he's going to be.

Samia (45:47)
Right.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (46:04)
he needs to do the things that maybe he wanted to get the sports car when he was younger, but he had a family that he was providing for. So now he's like, well, I'm, I'm at the point in my life where if I don't do it now, I'll never do it. And so then he does it. Right. So that's normal. So men start asking questions, is this as good as it's going to get? And that can be very depressing for them.

Samia (46:18)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (46:30)
because all of a sudden they realize, holy crap, I have a shelf life. Whereas before they would do backflips off the deck and not think about, hey, I could land on my neck because that's just not how they're wired. there's a huge difference there in terms of the shift, but then that affects communication because she wants to embrace life. He does, but...

Samia (46:43)
Yes.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (46:55)
He's recognizing he has more limitations than he did before. Energetically, she starts being a little more externally facing. She wants to go do things, catch up with girlfriends that, you know, we were all in our childbearing years and we haven't seen each other in forever. I just visited a girlfriend yesterday, one of my dearest friends, and I realized I haven't seen her in almost two years unless we were out someplace, like at a playground, and met so that our kids could play.

Samia (47:03)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (47:23)
And I'm like, I haven't been to her house in two years, what is wrong with me? But like, that's normal when you have kids because life gets busy. Your epicenter is your familial relationships. Men tend to be the outward working, maybe they travel for work, that kind of thing. And then they reach a point in their life where they want to be more home and hearth. They want to be home at the time she's starting to turn her attention outward.

Samia (47:28)
Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (47:50)
So then

he feels like she doesn't want to be with him. And it's not that. It's that you have this polarity that has always governed the relationship. And it's really important to be able to have open and honest communication because your hormones are fundamentally shifting both of you into different people.

Samia (47:53)
Got it. Makes sense.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (48:13)
And the reason that mental divorce is on the rise is the fact that you're growing apart instead of communicating and talking with each other about who you're both becoming.

Samia (48:26)
So if we're thinking about men going through this, and as they're starting to see these symptoms, and I want to get into the communication and the relationship in a moment, but I want to give men an opportunity to have a little education on what they can do. What are some of the natural or Eastern-based strategies that can help men support their

healthy testosterone levels or vitality, all of that.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (48:50)
⁓ movement. weird how that's the same theme. So maybe you guys can move together. So, movement is really, really important. We're a very sedentary culture. So this is where, you know, the dad bod begins, and we start seeing more weight being held in the midsection. For women, that weight is held in the midsection. One, it gets often driven by cortisol, but two, that the fat in this area is more quickly converted

Samia (48:53)
Yes. There you go.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (49:18)
to energy. So the body as a survival mechanism going through perimenopause will actually add a little cushion to the midsection in order to make sure that there are enough resources to help all of these hormonal transitions happen. For men, there's a little bit of that but the more like fat you hold around your organs, the more it creates other issues like heart disease. so

movement is important for that aspect of things or stress management because men in this phase of life are freaking stressed out too.

We have a lot of responsibilities by the time we get to our 50s guys. So that's all at play. But the other aspect is as men's testosterone levels are slowly starting to inch downward, which is, like I said, they are also going through a hormone transition. It's more incremental. But the ones that lift weights,

Samia (49:57)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (50:14)
are the ones that help to combat that balance because fat holds more estrogen.

Samia (50:20)
Bye.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (50:20)
So that

can make erectile issues a little more prominent. can affect sleep. can affect, well, and affect sleep through things like sleep apnea, right? The more body weight that you have, the more apnic events you tend to have when you're sleeping at night, you know, wake up feeling as rested and so on and so forth. That cascade, you know, while men can handle significantly more sleep deprivation than women because 97 % of their sex hormones

are

made in their testes and 3 % is made in their adrenals and for women is like depending on the literature you're looking at it's like a 70 30 or 60 40 split. This is again why we're so sensitive to stress overall it doesn't make us weak it just means that we have to plan our work differently. But the more men can lift weights and it doesn't have to be power lifting this just needs to be weight bearing activity. It's the muscle tug

Samia (51:00)
Alright.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (51:18)
bone which helps your kidney chi and it helps your expression of testosterone. Making sure that you have foods that are rich in zinc is very helpful. things like oysters are awesome for

Samia (51:25)
Okay.

Thank you for that. Because I'm sure the men listening are like, what do I do for this? Okay, so now going back to relationships, because I don't want to skip that part. You talked about the concept of meno- divorce. So what is that? you talked a little bit about why relationships do that. But what can we do?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (51:38)
Yeah.

So, menodivorce is a term that I'm seeing coined more often and what it's referring to is the fact that during the perimenopausal transition years, so from 35 to mid-50s, there has been an exponential increase in couples getting divorced. And...

Samia (52:05)
Mm-hmm.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (52:15)
It's happening for a hormones meets situation meets communication kind of reason. So your hormones are shifting, you are fundamentally becoming new versions of yourself. I'm not going to say different people, you're transforming, you're evolving, you're going through a metamorphosis. That's beautiful.

Samia (52:22)
Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (52:37)
But if you do it independently, and you don't talk with one another, and you don't share some of the things like, like this erection situation, Like if he's having a performance issue, and he's not talking to his partner about it, she's going to internalize all kinds of things. There's someone else.

Samia (52:56)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (52:56)
he's

not attracted to me anymore. Like you see what I'm saying? like, and then everybody is having their own internal conversation about the why rather than talking about why things are happening that way. And honestly, one of the biggest things is the fact that people don't realize that they are both going through a hormone change at the same time.

Samia (53:00)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (53:20)
So when we're having these issues, we think it's situational, we look, are they having an affair? Are they addicted to porn? Are you know, am I just not attractive to them anymore? As women start getting their perimenopause fluff around their midsection, they think that it's because they don't have live bodies anymore. Like, there's 1001 things that we tell ourselves. And

Samia (53:20)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (53:44)
During this phase, like I described at the beginning, women have less of a filter.

Samia (53:49)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (53:50)
So

she's gonna seem like she's lashing out at you more because there are tons of things that have irritated her since I don't know the beginning of your relationship probably a year after you guys first started getting together and she's always swept that stuff under the rug. Maybe it's things like why am I always the one that has to remember all of the appointments and pay all the bills and why can't you share this mental load with me? Maybe she's never vocalized that and it's not that you're unwilling

Samia (54:14)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (54:19)
meaning the male partner, again, I'm assuming a heteronormative relationship, but, you know, he has just always been like, she's always taken care of that. And there's probably absolute appreciation and adoration for those skills. However, he might very well have never vocalized that to her. So by the time she gets to this part of her life, she's like, I feel taken advantage of.

I'm exhausted. If I forget something because I'm having a brain foggy day, there's backlash for it. You know, you're trying to parent teenagers who try to pit one against the other. Like there are tons of reasons why we start having communication breakdown during this phase. And then let's add on top of it, the fact that our hormone cocktail is changing. So it becomes absolutely imperative.

Samia (54:41)
Yeah.

with.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (55:06)
to date one another again, to rediscover who you're both becoming. I love my husband dearly. We are totally in this right now. He is a few years older than me and I got really mad the other day. I'm in it. ⁓ I got really mad the other day and I was like, you never asked me about my day anymore.

Samia (55:22)
Thank

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (55:27)
And he's like, so how was your day? And I was like, Nope, that doesn't feel genuine now because you're only asking because I asked. I was like, you might as well just find it on social media because my goings on during my day is pretty much on social media because of my job. And he looked so mad. And then came back later and was like, you know what? I deserved that. I'm sorry. And how was your day?

Samia (55:42)
Yeah.

Thank

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (55:54)
Right? And we have a very healthy relationship and I think some of it's because I drive that communication bus because I know how many relationships start falling apart because like you start getting focused on the kids and their activities and being over scheduled with them and you stop being intimate with one another you stop dating one another because the kids are like forcing you out the door all the time.

Samia (56:18)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (56:19)
I mean, I have four kids in my household right now. Three of them are teenagers and one of them is just a little over a year old. If it isn't a teenager saying, hey, bring me someplace, it's the little guy who wakes up when he's supposed to be napping and then that eye contact meaningful conversation goes away.

Samia (56:29)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (56:39)
we have so many phone distractions these days that like taking time even if it's just 20 minutes where you both commit to putting your phones down or maybe you both commit to phones go on the charger at seven o'clock at night and we don't touch them again

⁓ So that you

can have real interpersonal conversations. These are the things that are going to keep you from being on the doorstep of this meno- divorce statistic, because the distractions keep us from connecting with each other. Our hormones are making us feel very different in our bodies, which for a lot of people makes you feel insecure in the relationship.

Samia (57:20)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (57:21)
and then your

partner starts acting differently. And this is on both sides of the equation. Your partner starts acting differently and you start questioning everything.

Samia (57:30)
I imagine this is where a lot of the misunderstandings begin. Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (57:33)
Yeah, absolutely. I've

thought for a long, long time about doing a course specifically about this and I'm going to start offering retreats for couples to come see me and do a sound bath and open the doors of communication and facilitate that kind of conversation because resentment builds.

And then it becomes more explosive and particularly because those of us in perimenopause are start becoming a little fragile like a bomb. ⁓ Special handling, special care and use instructions. He doesn't know how to meet her needs. And really at the end of the day, men just want to make their women happy.

Samia (58:01)
All right.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (58:14)
They

do, they just want to make their women happy and when they get to the phase of their life where they don't know what makes her happy anymore, they start seeing it as a failure on themselves.

Samia (58:21)
See you

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (58:24)
And it's not

it's the fact that you're both going through a metamorphosis and you're both transforming and you're both evolving. And sometimes men get stuck in this. I don't know what I want anymore. And it's not in their relationship, their relationship to them is the stability. It's that like maybe their career doesn't feel fulfilling or they feel burnt out or they realize they've missed years with their kids because they've been focused on being the

winner and you know whatever that dynamic looks like and they don't want to miss any more time.

you know, I noticed this in my own husband, like he started asking questions like, maybe I should start my own business. What could I, you know, what else could I do for a career? And, you know, these are very normal questions to start asking during this phase of life. But if you're not having those conversations together, as part of that metamorphosis, like I grabbed my husband's hand and I go, okay, we're going for a walk. And like, it might just be up and down our driveway for 10 minutes, because

Samia (59:04)
Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (59:24)
like trying to leave with the baby at this point is like a whole project. But you know, it's nice because even in those few minutes, no phone, no distractions, you're both moving your body, you're physically connected, hand holding with one another, and you have each other's undivided attention, even if it's just for a few

can be a game changer.

Samia (59:45)
that.

it's so important to spend that time with your partner. And I love that you're talking about the open communication and just sharing the things that are happening in your world. Because like you said, you don't say what's happening or if your spouse doesn't tell you what's happening, then there's going to be all these misconceptions and one person thinking one thing and another thinking another.

it can be a lot. if we had to create, because I know some people are like, just tell me what to do. So if we had to create a his and hers midlife plan, what would that include?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:00:12)
Yes.

Both of you need self care.

whatever feels good to you for that. So maybe for her, it's a float tank. Maybe for him, it's a float tank. Maybe it's going for a walk. Maybe it's scheduling time for intimacy. And that doesn't even have to be physical. This could be we are committed to going to our room at seven o'clock at night. And maybe we play a freaking board game. Or we dance. Or we just

Samia (1:00:27)
Mm-hmm.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:00:48)
Talk maybe we're just so exhausted, we go to sleep like whatever it is Maybe we do have sex like it doesn't matter but like scheduling time To connect with your partner on a regular basis. It's going to change the energy in your relationship Scheduling time for yourself like my two acupuncture appointments a month are my self-care non-negotiables

Samia (1:00:51)
Yes.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:01:13)
my chiropractic

adjustments are self care non negotiables. So figuring out what those non negotiables are for you and scheduling around them. Like I literally schedule my workday around my acupuncturist schedule.

Samia (1:01:25)
Yes.

Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:01:31)
because and I've told her that I'm like,

love you, you're my person. And I've been coming to you for eight years now. Like you tell me when I can have a regular standing appointment and I will literally make my workday work around it.

Samia (1:01:44)
you have to do that because that's what's important to you and that's what you need.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:01:48)
you know, whether you're going to a practitioner or you're just carving out time for yourself, one thing that became a non-negotiable for me as I started stepping onto the perimenopausal journey was giving myself a slow integration time in the morning. So I would open my curtains and I would look out the window in the, I'm located in New England, so it gets cold here soon. And when it's too cold,

Samia (1:01:52)
Mm-hmm.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:02:15)
to be outside first thing in the morning. I'll try to bundle up and go out as often as I can. you know, if I can't because the baby's awake or something like that, I'll stare out the window and notice how the trees are moving and things like that just so that I'm getting the natural light in my eyes and I wait two hours before I have coffee in the morning.

Samia (1:02:23)
Yeah.

Okay.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:02:34)
for men, could look like, you know, I remember when my father started going through this, all of a sudden he started reading books. I never saw my dad read a book in his life. And it wasn't because he didn't like to he just was always busy with his life. And I remember one summer we were on vacation and he picked up a book and it wasn't his book. It was one my mom had brought because my mom was a librarian for 18 years. So books were a big thing in our household. And my dad just picked

Samia (1:02:49)
Good.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:03:03)
the

book up off the coffee table he read he read it cover to cover and he reads pretty close to daily I mean obviously I'm not living with him now but he was reading daily and that was his him time

Samia (1:03:14)
Okay.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:03:17)
So like, whatever it is that feels good to you, maybe it's reading a book, maybe it is sitting and having a cup of coffee on your steps, because you're getting the light in your eyes from outside. Maybe it's going for a walk, you know, whatever your non negotiable is that feels like it's going to pour into your cup, you yourself need something doesn't matter which partner you yourself need something.

And you need something community in the relationship related. And those things need to be guarded for like with your life.

Samia (1:03:51)
Yes, okay.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:03:59)
because it's so easy for life and all the demands of life and family and teenagers and extended family and etc etc to impede on all of that and if you both make a pact to guard that time with each other but for each other like my mom used to say to my brother and I nope dad's reading go do something else

Samia (1:04:10)
Yeah.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:04:23)
He'll come out in,

you know, whatever. dad's reading, go do something else. And we would, we respected that we left him alone. So, you know, we all need things like that, which give us a little bit of a mental reset, because while we're going through these hormonal changes, our nervous systems are more sensitive.

Samia (1:04:41)
we've talked a lot about what to do when the symptoms come up. If we're talking more preventative, are we talking about the same things?

do things like herbs and acupuncture and things like that come up as a preventative measure? So maybe somebody's not having all of these symptoms yet, or maybe somebody's not even quite yet at this stage yet. What would you suggest for them?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:05:03)
I would say that the pace of life is far exceeding what we have for Qi on board. And that the earlier you can become intentional about meaningful communication with a partner and the real authentic vulnerable kind, like I really don't feel well today. It has nothing to do with you.

Samia (1:05:24)
Thank

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:05:28)
just hold space for me kinds of conversations, the easier it will make that transition later on. Honestly, you'll be less symptomatic once the transition arrives. The reason that people are hitting these transitions with such a hard level of symptoms is the fact that we didn't do any preventative stuff leading up to it. So this is being intentional about self-care time. And self-care is not selfish. Self-care is a necessity.

Samia (1:05:30)
Yes.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:05:56)
because you don't have any energy to pour into anything else if you don't take care of yourself. And we've been socially conditioned to think that caring for ourselves is selfish, but it's not. We parent better, we're in relationships better, we communicate better, we're better employees when we take that time to nourish ourselves. So start creating some of these practices long before you become

Samia (1:06:09)
Yes.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:06:25)
symptomatic, like I started scheduling my work around the phases of my cycle long before I got to perimenopause. And it made a huge difference because I didn't feel like I was swimming upstream against the current. I was letting the current carry me that much further, because it didn't require as much energy expenditure. you know, create the date night that is scheduled, create the

Samia (1:06:39)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:06:52)
appointment with the acupuncturist, start figuring out what it is that your body needs to function optimally. Because when you work with somebody like me, or an acupuncturist or chiropractor, somebody who can speak to the phases of your life and what the body needs in these different changes, you can be supporting yourself for optimal vitality in the phase that you're in. So by the time you

get to these bigger hormonal transitions, you know, people can move through these transitions with very few, if any symptoms. But a lot of it has to do with not biting our tongue or having a stiff upper lip for the good of the people.

Samia (1:07:36)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:07:36)
because that's the part that compounds that's the energy that compounds that sneaks up on us and then becomes physical symptoms and emotional symptoms later on in our life.

Samia (1:07:48)
that communication is key from the very beginning all the way to the very end. Yes, And I loved how when you were talking about menopause, you talked about an evolution and a metamorphosis, because I think it's important to reframe midlife as a time of empowerment rather than decline, right? Because a lot of people kind of look down on it like, this is a decline in my life

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:07:53)
Absolutely.

Samia (1:08:13)
But it really is, just another phase of our life.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:08:16)
Yeah, I have a course called Rooted Rising, Perimenopause and Power, because it really is a very powerful time in your life when you understand what is happening, how you can support yourself and how you can use it as this transformative experience rather than feeling like your body is broken and betraying you. It's a very, very different frame and often

Samia (1:08:25)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:08:43)
when people feel like their bodies are betraying them, it's because they have years of things they haven't addressed that are now sneaking up on them and they've compounded over time. So it's never too early to start preparing for perimenopause and andropause. It's never too early. It has to do with creating a meaningful movement routine, nourishing yourself with good food.

Samia (1:09:07)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:09:08)
making sure that you're taking time for yourself as well as with your partner and sometimes that means we have to tell our kids no.

And that can feel really selfish because there's so many of us that sacrifice ourselves on the altar of motherhood martyrdom or parenthood martyrdom. And the thing is, is we parent better when we take the time to do these things. there's this kitschy saying, your health is wealth. Well, I mean, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything because it affects the way that you show up in the world.

Samia (1:09:40)
Right. It's true.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:09:42)
It affects the way that you're able to perform at work. It affects all kinds of things. So the part that we collectively in our capitalist society haven't figured out is that if people can actually spend meaningful time with their families and meaningful time caring for themselves, they show up better and are more efficient as employees.

Samia (1:10:00)
Yes.

I think there's so many of those catchy sayings, When you were talking about self-care, the one that came up for me is you can't pour out of an empty cup, And it's so true. We're just so much of a better person at work and relationships and everywhere when we've given ourselves what we need.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:10:23)
Mm hmm. Absolutely. We're

not organic robots. And women are not small men. And so like those two things alone are like the fulcrum of our entire society. Like all of the studies that have been done on women's bodies up until quite recently were actually based on men and just adjusting things based on the fact that women were quote unquote small men.

Samia (1:10:26)
Right.

Right.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:10:46)
Like they didn't even

test menstrual products with actual blood until a few years ago. it's mind boggling the things that we attribute as like law or rule, right? And well this study says, great, how many people were actually women in that study? Did you have diversity in that study? Like there's so many things that when people start spitting out data, it's like that is wonderful, but let's

Samia (1:10:51)
man.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:11:12)
let's look at who is asking the question and what is the question that's being asked because I think that there's a lot of people that put like data out there. And again, this is why I really love Eastern medicine because you're just looking at the body in front of you.

Samia (1:11:26)
yeah, Okay, well, as we wrap up, I'd like to leave our listeners with just a few takeaways. So what's one myth about menopause or andropause that you'd love to see disappear?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:11:39)
This is, ha, wow, there's so many of them. I have to choose one. myth busting. The fact that this hormonal transition means that you're falling apart.

Samia (1:11:40)
Okay.

Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:11:49)
you're not falling apart, you're transforming and you do not for the vast majority of people. Now again, there's exceptions to every rule, right? But the vast majority of people do not need hormone replacement because this transition is supposed to happen in our bodies.

Samia (1:12:04)
Yeah.

And if you could give one message to couples who are navigating these changes together, what would it be?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:12:16)
prioritize you. And when I say you, that is the individual you and the collective you. Get curious about this person that you are with because you are changing, they are changing. And even though you've accepted certain things that are comfortable for maybe 20 years.

Samia (1:12:22)
Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:12:39)
they are different and you are different and they might surprise you in what they need and what they're looking for.

Samia (1:12:46)
I love that to have that curiosity to learn who you're with all over again. You know, sometimes we have this image of this is the person that I married or this is the person that I've lived with for many years, but we forget to stay curious and learn who they're becoming because we're changing every day.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:13:04)
Well, and we like to try to base relationships too on, well, this is what it was like when we first started dating. Well, relationships go through evolutions anyway. And you have a very different bonding stage in that first year and at the very beginning than you do after you've been in a longer term relationship. you know, women's sexual response changes, they go from being very spontaneous to being more reactive.

Samia (1:13:19)
Man.

Yes.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:13:32)
meaning

that you need to cultivate feelings of safety and security with them in order for them to be able to get there, whereas before they might have been able to perform at the drop of a hat.

women are more of a slow boil when it comes to arousal and men are not and the older you get and when you start adding hormonal changes and on top of all of that, the way that you're able to be intimate physically, emotionally with one another shifts.

Samia (1:13:45)
Yeah.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:14:00)
And

so, you know, staying curious, but communicative, even around things that might make you feel uncomfortable to share with your partner is going to be increasingly important because as you age and your body presentation starts to change and health things start to show up, you have to be able to advocate for your partner as well as

maintain and foster an intimate relationship with them through your whole lifespan.

Samia (1:14:30)
Yes, Thank you for sharing all that. And lastly, if our listeners want to connect with you and want to learn more about your work, how can they find you?

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:14:40)
Absolutely. So I have a website moonessence.life that has a lot of information about me. I am very active on Instagram. My handle is at moonessenceme, as in Mary, as in Edgar. You can always reach out and do DMs that way. You can contact me through my website and I have a podcast called Reproductive Rebel if you want to learn a little bit more about me, my philosophy and what I do.

Samia (1:15:08)
Wonderful. Thank you so much, Adrienne, for joining us today, for sharing your wisdom. This conversation has been so enlightening and hopeful and a great reminder that midlife is not the end of something, but truly the beginning of such a new and empowered chapter in our life. So thank you so much for being with us today. I really appreciate it.

Adrienne Irizarry, HWH (1:15:32)
Thank you so much for having me. It was an honor.

Samia (1:15:41)
Thank you so much for tuning in to Thursday Tea with Sami, your sip of wellness and mental health. I hope that today's episode gave you a little inspiration in your journey. Remember, your journey to wellness starts here. I would love to hear from you. Drop me a comment letting me know how you liked this episode or what topics you want to hear more about. Until next time, stay well and keep being your best.