Self Care You Can Do Now For Amazing Results

In this enlightening episode of Thursday Tea with Sami, Dr. Patricia Eaton delves into the multifaceted concept of self-care, emphasizing its critical role in maintaining mental and emotional well-being. Often misunderstood as mere indulgence, self-care encompasses essential practices that support our holistic health—physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.

Dr. Eaton explores:

• The four dimensions of self-care: physical, mental, emotional, and social, and how they interconnect to create a balanced life.
• Common misconceptions that hinder self-care adoption, such as the idea that it’s selfish or unnecessary.
• Practical self-care tips for seamlessly integrating self-care into your daily routine, no matter how busy life gets.
• Strategies to overcome barriers like guilt or lack of time that prevent many from fully engaging in self-care practices.
• The profound impact of self-care on emotional health, mental clarity, and positive psychology, and how it helps in preventing burnout.

Whether you’re new to self-care or seeking to deepen your existing practices, this episode offers valuable insights that will inspire you to prioritize your well-being. Dr. Eaton's expert advice provides a roadmap for nurturing your body and mind, while emphasizing the importance of consistency and self-compassion in the process.

Transcript

Samia (00:06)
Welcome to Thursday Tea with Sami, your sip of wellness and mental health. I'm Samia Estrada and I'm so glad that you're here. This podcast is all about living a healthy, balanced life mentally, physically, and emotionally. Every other week we'll explore simple, practical ways to improve your well-being, we'll hear from experts, and we will learn together. Grab your cup of tea, take a deep breath, and let's dive in.

Samia (00:38)
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Thursday Tea with Sami. Today I'm so delighted to be joined by the knowledgeable, sweet, and funny Dr. Patricia Eaton, who is here to share her insights on self-care.

Thank you so much for joining us today. To start off, can you tell us a little bit about the kind of work that you do and what you've been up to lately?

Speaker 1 (01:02)
Hello everyone. So I'm a clinical psychologist. I have experience having worked in community mental health and substance abuse programs, in the department of psychiatry for many years.

And today I work in private practice. So I just see patients virtually and all over the world, And also aside from just my individual work with patients, one of the things I love to do is to do classes and curriculum.

I do classes for the patients, sometimes in person, sometimes virtually And I talk a little bit about a variety of topics. ⁓ Some of the topics that I love, love, love to talk about, is women's empowerment. So if you are familiar with my work, you may have seen me post or talk about this and also positive psychology. So it's a perfect topic for us to talk about here today.

Speaker 2 (01:51)
Perfect, thank you.

today I wanted to talk a little bit about self care, which I know is a topic that's very near and dear to your heart. And I think that it's a super important topic.

So I wanted to ask you, can you tell us a little bit about what self-care is? I know a lot of people think self-care is eating meals and exercising and things like that, but I know self-care is a lot more than that. Can you explain a little bit about what self-care is?

Speaker 1 (02:17)
Yeah, and thank you for talking about this because it's such an important topic and it's that kind of thing that is so simple, but people are still not doing it. Like sometimes we don't do it and it's so basic and so simple. it may seem like something that is self-explanatory, but sometimes it's nice to just dive into it and really explore what it is. So first I want us to think about self-care. like you mentioned exercise and eating.

you know, proper nutrition, that can be self care, right? but self care is a little bit more than that. So when we are talking about self care in mental health, which actually mental health and physical health goes together, like it's two things that are intertwined, but we are concerned about

what is self care for mental health

So when we are talking about this, it's activities, behaviors, frames of mind, time, that you dedicate to recharge yourself, to do the basic things that you need to take care of yourself. And we are talking your physical self and your mental self, your emotional self, your social self, like yourself as a whole. So.

A lot of times you may hear about okay, what is self care? Or I need to get a massage or I need to go to get my nails done or I need to buy myself something nice. And I'm not gonna say that this is not a form of self care. It can be, but we are talking here about something even simpler. Like for example, breathing, like you literally say, oh, I have to take two minutes to just breathe or to stand up from in front of the computer and go outside.

I wanna say that it is pretty common that, we just kind of like running on fumes like running on empty. This is a very common thing in our everyday life for all of us. And working in mental health for so many years, and I'm sure that has happened to you, Dr. Estrada, that like people come and they are talking about their depression, they're talking about their anxiety, they're talking about their relationship problems, they talk about stress. And sometimes I ask them a simple question like,

When was the last time that you went for a walk and they just look so puzzled.

Speaker 2 (04:18)
yeah, they can't even think of when's the last time. That happens so much.

Speaker 1 (04:21)
Or I would ask someone, what do you like to do for fun? And the person just bursts into tears. I have seen this happen many times that it just dawns on that person who is so stressed that the little things that keep them alive, that keep them happy, that keep them breathing, that makes them look forward to the next day. They have a good time. so it's a topic that I really love because it's about

taking care of yourself and also loving yourself at the same time.

Speaker 2 (04:49)
Yes. You know, I'm so happy that you brought that up because

find that so often that people are not doing the things that recharge them, the things that they love or even just stopping to breathe or stopping to stand up in between,

tasks on the computer.

know

lot of people also who haven't done that in so long that they don't even remember what they enjoy doing.

You know, I ask them what kind of things you enjoy doing and they say, I don't know. I can't even think of a single thing that I enjoy doing, you know? And I think along with that come some misconceptions. I think that people have certain misconceptions about self care.

Speaker 1 (05:29)
Well, if you're thinking what I'm thinking,

I think one of the misconceptions that people have is that self care is indulgent. Yeah. Like I have so many things to do. I'm going to spend time doing something extra? I already have so many problems. what makes her think that I have time to take a bubble bath?

You know, so it's almost like it's a waste of time and I want to make sure I address that. we are holding cups here in a minute, like teacups. there's that old saying, everybody knows that you can't pour out of an empty cup. So what it seems to be indulgent at a time that you're already running thin, right? You feel like I'm already stretched so thin. what makes her think I have another 20 minutes to go just sit on the bath? seriously?

I know, I get it. But the reality is after that 20 minutes bubble bath, all the other things that you're doing that stretching you're so thin are gonna be a little bit easier. So it's be hard, it's life, it's a lot of things, but it will be a little bit easier. Sometimes like when we take a little minute and we all know that and we do something fun, we come back to the other tasks with just a little bit more bandwidth.

And we come back with a little more bandwidth. We come back less resentful. We come back more present because we did something for us versus walking around just feeling like it's never enough and asking ourselves even in the back of our mind, when is my turn? How come it's all me? And then feeling resentful and walking around like that. And even treating the people around us with this underlying resentment that is living in there, that is kind of growing over time.

Speaker 2 (07:05)
I think you're right. one thing that I've found too, is that self care isn't always about doing more. Sometimes self care is about doing less, taking something off of your list, giving yourself that extra 10 minutes to stretch or just to not think, have you found that in your practice as well?

Speaker 1 (07:21)
You know, that is actually one of my favorite lessons of the activities of self care. And that goes for, the conversation that we just did, I said, you know, maybe taking that bubble bath feels or taking a shower. I'm not even talking about a bath. I'm talking about something like taking a shower and like turning on the music in there, that you can just be checked out for like five minutes. It does feel like it takes more time, but sometimes self care can be

taking something out of your plate. For example, saying no to a commitment or saying on Sunday, I'm not going to do one little thing outside of the house. I'm just gonna be home all day. I'm gonna dedicate to getting my week together, resting, watching some stuff. I think we all know who we are on that scale. for some people self-care may be doing an extra thing that you need to do for yourself.

For some of us, self-care may be doing less. I do think I'm one of those people that like I can do a little bit less. I'm always go, go, go, Dr. Estrada. So sometimes I tell myself, okay, instead of trying to cram five things into this day, let me just put one so it is enjoyable versus like so stressful. So that is also a form of self-care. Just like saying no to something, giving yourself time to do

Nothing

Speaker 2 (08:36)
absolutely. And sometimes there's things that we can do that don't even take any extra time. For example, one of my

self-care activities is to listen to my favorite music while I'm showering. That doesn't take any extra time because I was going to shower anyway, but being able to listen to the music first thing in the morning as I'm getting ready.

It just gets me in a different mood. I'm ready for my day. I'm dancing. I'm singing in the shower. I come out. I'm in a good mood. I'm starting off my day on a good foot. And it didn't take me any longer other than just asking Alexa to play my favorite music.

Speaker 1 (09:10)
Exactly. I just did that. Right before we talked, I listened to music in the shower. was singing along and it was great. I totally recommend.

Speaker 2 (09:20)
absolutely. But what do you think is so hard for people?

Speaker 1 (09:22)
That's so.

I think that, well, first the misconceptions, right? people not understanding exactly what is self-care and imagining that self-care is something so big, right? Like I need to have time for this. I need to have money for this and not understanding that self-care is the little things that just kind of charge your battery. I always joke with people that

If we minded, charging ourselves, like we mind charging our cell phone every day, people walk around with their cell phone and their charger, they are walking into a house of business, they say, can I plug my phone? Can I plug my phone? What plugs you? What kind of puts that little juice in you just like we do it on our phone?

And it can be small things, like you said. So I think one of the things that make it hard is people not fully understanding that it doesn't need to be this big thing. It doesn't need to cost money. It doesn't need to be something so extraordinary that takes you a lot of effort. The other thing is I think it's very easy for people. And then there are even like maybe cultural norms or gender, like stereotypes that also feed that.

that idea. So for example, a lot of women, we never really watch women or our lives practice self care. I don't know about you, but I don't remember my mom sitting down, you know, she was always right. She had a broom or a rag. I don't know. Maybe it's a Latin mom that I had, but there was almost this idea that a woman sitting down was lazy.

So, you know, like you need to be useful, you need to be doing something. So I didn't really watch my mother rest. so in turn, I didn't learn how to do that. So it's kind of hard for me sometimes. I have to remind myself that it's okay to waste a little time, even it's hard for not to call it waste. that's one thing, I think role models.

Even for men too, there's in another way, maybe being hardworking, it's like a thing, you need to be hardworking or for example, a lot of men in a lot of cultures, like it's self care is almost like maybe being you're being too much of a baby, you know, you're being weak if you admit that you're tired or that you hurt or that you need to go to the doctor.

You know, like it's kind of like getting a checkup. It's no, I'm strong. I'm fine. You know, so we receive messages that don't contribute to our seeking mental health help, for example, especially for men and especially in certain cultures, which can be an activity of self care or a very important thing. Sometimes it doesn't happen. And then I think

probably the most basic reason why people don't practice self care, I don't think people see the importance. It feels like there is so many more important things in our lives that taking care of ourselves, it just starts falling into the last spot, right? So it's like, okay, I'm going to the gym.

You know, I go to the store, I clean my house, I take care of the kids, I pay this bills, I do my work, blah, blah, and then I'm going. And then it doesn't happen because if you are constantly the last thing on your list, what's gonna happen? it's gonna be too often that you're not going to get to the last item, which is you. So in this case, I urge people do not put yourself last on the list. It may seem a little bit,

selfish, I'm going to say it's not. It's necessary, right? you're not going to charge your phone less and then you're going to make all those phone calls. You're going to charge your phone first because otherwise you're not going to have juice for those phone calls, right? And for those emails and for those things, same with your computer. So think about that way for yourself.

Speaker 2 (12:43)
Yes, it makes so much sense, right? If we didn't have that role modeled, if we haven't seen it, if we haven't done it, you know, that that's a difficult thing for us to do. So what would you recommend; somebody who hasn't seen this all their life? Maybe that wasn't what was role modeled for them, or maybe somebody who has just... life has gotten too busy and they've lost track of self care.

What would you recommend for somebody wanting to start up self care again? What would be helpful?

Speaker 1 (13:10)
That's a wonderful question. the first thing I wanted to tell you is maybe you can blame it on us. Say you know when you go home and you're about to do something you're going to be I'm going to my Zumba this morning you can say I watched two doctors on the internet they told me I should do it. sometimes I tell the patient I said blame it on me when you go home say my doctor said I need to be doing this you know.

Speaker 2 (13:33)
Yes.

Speaker 1 (13:34)
Exactly, doctors order. So if you need to kind of rely on like if it makes you feel a little bit better, say, the doctor said, or doctors recommend or I saw this doctor online and she was saying that this is very important. you have us to use that as your, springboard. But one thing that I do, and I totally recommend is put yourself on your schedule, like you are an important meeting, important thing.

So you teach people how to treat you. You teach people about you and what's important to you. You teach people how important your time is. So for example, if people ask you, hey, can you, drive me somewhere and you say, I'm sorry, Tuesdays and Thursday mornings, that's my walking class or my walking group. They'll be like, okay, maybe they won't like it.

Next time you say it again, they say, well, Tuesdays and Thursdays, remember that every morning is my walk. And you can tell that to your spouse, can tell that to your kids, you can tell that to your friends. After a while when they need you on Tuesday morning, they're gonna be like, oh, where is, ah, it's her walk. So basically, you're creating that habit for yourself and you're teaching the people around you that time is sacred.

Also, maybe another thing is start very tiny, you notice yourself, your shoulders are like this, and you're typing all day and you just say, okay, can I just breathe? can I just stand up and walk outside and maybe take three deep breaths and that's it. That's what I did for myself. So I'm going to give you a couple of very, very easy little things just for people to think about like, I didn't even think about that self care, right?

So standing up for a few minutes in the middle of your work day, just standing up and breathing, walking outside if you've been in front of the screen for too long and just being outside for one minute. Maybe you can even be mindful, look outside and say, what is outside? What do I see? see trees, I see the sky, I see a bird. What do I hear? just taking a little time. Going to sleep at a time that is good for you, that you get enough sleep.

say no to some stuff. So see how that doesn't all of those things don't cost anything. Right. like you said earlier, listening to music when you take a shower or when you take a bath and just remembering that recharging you, it's not a luxury. It's not a spoil. It's not selfish. You need that.

We mind our cars, our phones, our computers, our everything. We always charging, you know, we know if it runs out of juice, it's not going to work. What makes us think we don't need that too?

Speaker 2 (16:02)
Thank you. Those are such wonderful points. As you were talking, I was remembering an example that you said once a long time ago, and I don't know if I remember it exactly. I wonder if you remember it. It was an example that you gave about flip-flops, it was like shaking the sand off of your flip-flops. Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 (16:22)
Yes, actually had been thinking about this because I'm going to be talking at the conference and I was thinking about this. It's not the flip flops, but I know what you're

I came up with this just so you know. I don't know how, but it's something. So basically, it is like when you live,

you're living know, stress, work, kids, house, everything, bills. It's like going to the beach, right? You go to the beach and you're gonna bring sand back with you, which is that stress. So think about that, practicing self-care, those five minutes breathing, maybe sitting in your car for two minutes after you come back from work before you go in and doing a meditation or just listening to something funny, even something kind of random.

It's kind of like you're trying to shake off some of that sand, right? Like you're trying to shake off some of that sand. You will bring some of that sand with you. You know how it is, right? you find sand for like five days after you went to the beach. Or you're like, why is there sand? why do I feel sand on the bottom of my feet here in this place? You will. But the idea is shake as much sand off as you possibly can. Don't we do that? we shake our towel, we shake our body, we rinse off, we do everything. try not to

bring all that sand back into our home, into our bed, into our lives. Some come because, it's sticky, but we try to shake off as much sand as we can before so we can, start off fresh and clean. So it's similar. If you think about life, you know, stress,

The activities of self care is helping you shake off some of that stressful energy that you accumulated throughout the day so you can sleep better, be more present, be a better parent, partner, worker, person, and just feel better.

Speaker 2 (18:06)
Such wonderful ideas.

Speaker 1 (18:08)
That's funny that you remember that.

Speaker 2 (18:10)
it just came to me as you were speaking and I remember you sharing that example once and I think I could be wrong but I think that when we were together was when you came up with it and you were very proud that you came up with that example.

Speaker 1 (18:23)
Obviously, years have gone by and I apparently am still proud, right?

Speaker 2 (18:29)
I'm so grateful for you sharing this information with everyone and I think, you know, such wonderful information and such important things for us to pay attention to and to incorporate into our life. So thank you very much for being here and for sharing your knowledge with us. And I'm wondering

If anybody wants to learn more about what you're doing or if anybody wants to work with you or maybe take one of the classes that you mentioned, how could they get a hold of you?

Speaker 1 (18:58)
So, well, I hope we convinced a few people today to practice self care. it's really dear to my heart, Dr. Estrada. So that's the first thing. as I mentioned, I work primarily with individual patients, also do classes. I do talks and, people reach out for me for things like that. My website is livingwithoutlimits.world.

And I love that name too, because it embodies my idea, as you know, I am in California, in Florida, and sometimes all over the world, you know, like I'm actually talking to you from overseas today. I'm talking to you from Trinidad and Tobago, from Tobago of Trinidad and Tobago. So I went to grab some sand on the beach today before we had this talk too. there's sand here all around the place.

So livingwithoutlimits.world, is my website. also, I am on Instagram, it's Dr. Patricia Eaton, it's DR Patricia Eaton, just the way it sounds. Yeah, and people can reach out to me that way

take a look at what I

hopefully.

get some tidbits and incorporate into their lives sometimes it takes researching a lot of different things to see what's gonna work for you.

Speaker 2 (20:08)
Yes, I often tell people to just look up stuff online because there are so many ideas, you know, sometimes we just can't think of, what are some things that I would enjoy and I say, just look up online because there's hundreds and hundreds of ideas online and then you can see if there's, anything that calls your attention, anything that sounds like fun, anything that sounds like something you would enjoy. Because sometimes it's hard for us to think about it. So

Speaker 1 (20:33)
Anyway.

Speaker 2 (20:34)
you so

I really appreciate

I know our guests appreciate it too.

Speaker 1 (20:38)
Thank you. appreciate it. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (20:41)
Bye.

Samia (20:48)
Thank you so much for tuning in to Thursday Tea with Sami, your sip of wellness and mental health. I hope that today's episode gave you a little inspiration in your journey. Remember, your journey to wellness starts here. I would love to hear from you. Drop me a comment letting me know how you liked this episode or what topics you want to hear more about. Until next time, stay well and keep being your best.